Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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