According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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