My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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