bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
