THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize