you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love having hate sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
