What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
