i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
