all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
