he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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