Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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