Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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