How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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