he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
