3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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