Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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