College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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