i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
