Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize