why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
