Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
