my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize