my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
