How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
