dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
