My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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