I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
