just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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