FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
