Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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