And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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