$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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