So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
