My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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