If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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