i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
