Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize