if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This toilet bowl is my home.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
