Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
