Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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