Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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