i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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