I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
