That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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