we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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