i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
