She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
