all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
