i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
