We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
