i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
