Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think your dad took our porno
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
