im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
