I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
