the condom got lost in my hair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
