I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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