I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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