my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
