I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
