its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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