Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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