apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
