It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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