And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
