I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
