how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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