Where did you get a picture of my penis
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
