I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
