the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
