Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
