Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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