Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
