My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
