Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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