When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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