he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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