maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
