i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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