Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
