If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
