i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
