I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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