Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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