also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want to make out with him forever
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
