10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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