Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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