listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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