bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
