yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
