Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
