Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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