you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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