in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
