Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
