I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
