I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
