Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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