i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
