He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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