Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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