Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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