yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
