is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
