It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
