you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
