So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
