You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
