Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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